My little firework...

Today I was looking through my photographs and this one caught my eye. I remember the exact moment, coming back from Akron after Jen's funeral and thinking about how different New York would be without Jen. Looking at the photograph I started to get bummed and thought, "I don't feel like being down today. Despite the snow on the ground, it's still a beautiful day and I'm thankful to be alive."

So, I turned on a song that Jen loved, "Firework," by Katy Perry, hit repeat, turned the volume up and started thinking about my little firework, Jen. She lit up the room...

Crossing GW Bridge after funeral.jpg

Live Sincerely

Last summer I was fortunate to meet Vanessa and Billy Tiemeier at my exhibition in Cleveland. Vanessa has Stage VI advanced breast cancer but that didn't stop her from getting in a car with her family to make the four hour drive from her hometown of Cincinnati to see my photographs. Knowing what day to day life is like for Vanessa and Billy, I was blown away and couldn't hold back my tears when we were introduced. One of my first thoughts was that Jen and Vanessa would have really connected.
Along with her sisters, Vanessa and Christina, Vanessa started "The Live Sincerely Project." The goal of this project "is to support a living community that engages in dialogue and creative, thoughtful projects that explore this life we share."
Please take a look at their website, I promise it will be worth the few minutes it takes. 
I think of Vanessa and Billy often and they have been quite an inspiration for me throughout my new journey as a 39 year old widower. 
Thank you

http://thelivesincerelyproject.com/

Reminders...

Today I visited my doctor for a checkup. While filling out paperwork I got to this part and felt a lump in my throat.

Breast exam 1232013.jpg

A few minutes later, as if it was scripted, "No One" by Alicia Keys came on the radio. Jen loved this song and I remember the first time she played it for me, we were sitting in bed with one earpiece in my ear and the other in Jen's. Forget the lump in my throat, now I wanted to grab the nurse and start crying.

So I got myself back together and a few minutes later the doctor called me in. As he listened to my inner workings with a stethoscope I was clinging to every second..."Why is he listening so long in that spot? What does he hear?" Of course I immediately thought about Jen and all of the tests, procedures, treatments...I'm so mad that Jen had to go through so much and suffer the way she did.

I know there were amazing moments but today I am just angry and I miss Jen so much.